Two-Pager - Autumn Day

Back in September of 2005, I started taking a 7-month screen writing course at Ryerson University. The first assignment wasn't anything specific. It just had to have dialogue (my specialty), and it was limited to two pages. So I did this, and before October ends, I just thought I'd give it a post up here. I got an A on it, by the way. I don't know why; it's not that great. I hope you've enjoyed your autumn.

Autumn Day

FADE IN:

EXT. PARK DAY

Two best friends, TYLER PARKER (21) and KAYLA CLARK (21), are sitting beside each other under an apple tree with their backs resting against the trunk.

The leaves are changing colours as apples fall from their branches. Kayla is sitting with her knees up to her chest and her arms rapped around them. She rarely looks at Tyler while they speak.

TYLER

I just love fall.

KAYLA

Why?

TYLER

It’s beautiful. There’s colour to the leaves, there’s a perfect end of summer breeze, it’s not too cold, not too hot, there’s that unique autumn scent...but I guess mostly the colours. I love colours. What, you don’t like it?

KAYLA

No, I hate it.

TYLER

How can you hate Autumn?

KAYLA

Because everything’s dying, for God’s sake!

TYLER

Must you look at everything so morbidly?

KAYLA

It’s a morbid season. I look at it that way because it is! If you have an issue with the fact that everything’s dying, take it up with God.

TYLER

I’m not speaking to him!

KAYLA

It’s not that I’m morbid; you’re just overly merry and optimistic.

TYLER

I’ll have you know that I take pride in my pessimism.

He starts picking at the grass.

KAYLA

Oh, please. The trees are dying, the grass is dying, birds are flying away so they don’t die, squirrels are frantically scavenging around collecting enough scraps from the dying trees to survive the upcoming harsh, callous winter freeze, which homeless people are shaking in horror at just the thought of, and here you are talking about how beautiful it is because the leaves are changing colours in response to their death. Oh, and some imaginary smell.

TYLER

Hey, if you can’t smell it that’s your problem. If anything, you’re just jealous that I can find beauty and token hope in a time of year that you choose to find miserable and depressing.

KAYLA

I find it that way because it’s blatantly obvious. This just epitomizes the way you sadly go through life. An overtly delusional optimist. You blind yourself to the obviousness of the negativity so you can hold on to the scraps of your childhood la-la land.

TYLER

I am not an optimist, alright?! Stop calling me that! I really resent it. I’m the gloomiest person anyone I know has ever encountered.

KAYLA

Don’t kid yourself. You find pure joy in a time of year cleaved with the natural despondence of death.

TYLER

Correction: I see beauty in what you morbidly choose to deem as despondence of death.

KAYLA

You used to just love the Polkadot Door, didn’t you?

TYLER

Hated it, as a matter-of-fact.

KAYLA

Surprising.

TYLER

Polkaroo was Satan!

KAYLA

Don’t hurt yourself.

TYLER

Look, I just like colours! Do I really deserve this reproof for that? What’s your problem?

KAYLA

Nothing. I’m just stating my case.

An apple falls from the tree clunking him on the head.

TYLER

(grabs his skull)

Ah! Fuck!

KAYLA

That’s fall for yah.

TYLER

Unbelievable. Newton’s an iconic genius for realizing what we all know as toddlers. If he was such a genius, why didn’t he reverse the process?

KAYLA

The process of life and death, or what goes up must come down?

Another apple falls and cracks him on the skull again. He yelps out in pain.

TYLER

Goddamn it!

He grabs the apple angrily, stands up, and whips it as far as he can. Kayla stands up beside him.

KAYLA

I guess the tree doesn’t want us sitting under it anymore. It doesn’t want us reminding it of its time of dying.

TYLER

(pause)

Autumn sucks.

They start walking.