Written: April 28, 2006
A few weeks ago, one night, in my car...just sitting...with a close friend, pondering life, high as a star,
A morbidity came loose...in my mind. Where else? The usual.
An equation beginning with the facing of my end, and the end of all, and their facing.
Then of course the feeble attempts of human being the only creature in perpetual awareness - fear - of this, to perpetually do and act as if the day will never come – hence a futile suppression. But something is missing to trigger this desiderata; that is inevitable loneliness – being alone, and fear of it – the one thing worse than death: loneliness.
It is this which has us desperately fight for life and make loneliness untrue, unreal, by searching for others, by scouring for love, executing talents, dying for praise, money, misery, problems, more people – eustress – anything to squash any possibility of any hint of loneliness. That is of course if we are healthy – or just deemed so.
Through all this is that former fear of expiration forgotten:
Death and loneliness assisting each other in assisting us.
The former causing the latter, causing living – granting ease...or as much as realistically feasible.
Fear of death => Fear of loneliness => Existing = Subdued or eliminated fear of both.
And there it is: life’s equation of nihilistic existentialism.
My buddy: “dude, you’re seriously tripping me out.”
Like I said...I was high.